September in Taos
Rest, Reset, Recoup
These days have been about rest, recovery, and trying to steady myself again. And, fitting in some celebration about the lawsuit news and impending closure when I can - even though it’s still not completely done.
Patrick and I are now thinking we’ll go on a wellness retreat vacation during the trial dates (mid October), ideally on the Ocean, so we can have dedicated time to really let it all move through.
Physical Therapy
My PT sessions are such a bright spot: it always feels good to see progress, even if the steps are small. Progress is progress.
I’ve now started sessions on the upright stationary bike at zero resistance — woo hoo! Home biking is likely coming soon.
I suspected something was off with my pelvis or SI joint as I’ve had shooting pains in my low back that sometimes freeze me in place. It’s like my brain and body are out of sync — my brain doesn’t know what to tell my body to do safely, or my body simply can’t respond. Strange, but part of the healing process.
My PT worked on glute and low back release, did very gentle SI adjustments, and even taught me a self-adjustment technique I’ll keep practicing.
A Scare with the Dogs
Yesterday I had the dogs out with me when a rogue puppy came running over. All four went wild, and I moved wrong on my right leg. I instantly felt a twinge shoot up my thigh and groin, radiating through my pelvis and freshly adjusted SI joint. Damnit. Luckily, my plan had already been to rest and ice — so I did, and things calmed down.
Socializing and Balance
I love connection — it builds me up, fills my cup, and reminds me how supported I am. And yet, as I’ve shared before, it can also create fatigue and be hard to keep up with. At times I feel like a broken record — stuck, repeating the same themes, wondering “what else do I even have to talk about? Are they sick of hearing about this?”
I’m working on honoring the balance between connection and capacity — letting support in, leaning on community, without draining myself.
Refilling My Cup Outdoors
Outside time continues to be medicine for me. I make sure to get some sunshine on my face close to first thing in the morning (depending on pain levels), and go out at least 1-2 more times throughout the day. It’s getting easier to be comfortable outside for gradually longer periods — front porch, back porch, and now even back in the awesome hammock chair we found at Costco in Denver.
A Little More Independence
Patrick left for ABQ today around 2, and my appointment was cancelled. Disappointing — but also gave me a chance to settle into home rhythms without social or provider input. I need it. I’m learning from silly mistakes and reminding myself: slow down, one thing at a time. My mantra — Pause. Breathe. Then move — applies far beyond physical movement. I even put the birds away tonight by myself. Independence, one task at a time.
I didn’t need a ride to an appointment like I thought, but still had a friend come over briefly and we all sat outside and chatted. Tomorrow I’m looking forward to seeing another cherished friend who will drive me to and from PT - that will be a first!
Pain Thoughts: The Bigger Battle
Pain is as much mental, emotional, and spiritual as it is physical. Negative self-talk creeps in, questioning what I know to be true and real.
One provider explained that surgeons can only prescribe a certain amount before transitioning pain care to a PCP or pain specialist. This reminded me that many issues are systemic — and what felt personal might be more about scope of practice and prescribing restrictions.
My new PCP (a telemed NP) told me it wouldn’t be her role either, and suggested the surgical team or ortho here. She didn’t know of any local pain specialists.
A thoughtful volleyball friend suggested connecting with a palliative doctor. It’s daunting to see new providers, but perhaps worth exploring.
Then comes the self-questioning: do I even need to? Should I just wait it out?
Maybe nervous system support would be more effective than more meds; I know a ramped up nervous system can sure amplify pain. My schedule is challenging and balance is tricky, but I have wonderful providers here who support my nervous system and I think that’s my next step: prioritize seeing them over finding another provider for help with pain.
Closing Thought
Three days of rest and reflection reminded me: healing is not just about muscles and bones, but about the stories I tell myself. Some days progress is biking a few minutes at zero resistance. Some days it’s putting the birds away on my own. And some days it’s simply choosing to pause, breathe, and move forward — gently.
This month: slowly resume regular weekly appointments with Taos providers as able
9/8: Phase 3 of Restrictions/PT Protocol - progress to 75% weight bearing, start pool exercises (and ok to hot tub!)
9/22: Phase 4 of Restrictions/PT Protocol - progress to 100% weight bearing, work on gait pattern and continue crutches until normal
9/22-24 (tbd): Longtime friend of Patrick visits
9/25: Mom to town
9/27: Nathaniel Rateliff and the Nightsweats at Kit Carson Park in Taos
10/1: Follow up with local Orthopedic Dr
10/5: Denver for follow-ups
10/7: PAO Surgeon 8-wk follow-up
TBD: Eye Specialist follow-up
10/13-29: P+T trip during trial dates!
TBD: return to run, impact, and higher intensity exercise
