September in Taos
Daily-ish Updates
- Days 28-30 of Recovery: Sept 1-3rd | Progress, Setbacks, and the Ongoing Battle with Pain
- Day 31–34: Sept 4–7th | Settled, Sparkling, and Still Healing
- Day 35-36: Sept 8–9th | Hot Tubs, Hard Truths, and Healing in Progress
- Day 37–39: Sept 10–12th | Rest as Resistance, Trust as Progress
- Day 40–43: Sept 13–16 | From Claustrophobia to Clarity: Building Trust in the Journey
- Day 44–47: Sept 17–20 | Validated, Supported, and Moving Forward
- Day 48–54: Sept 21–27 | As Tolerated: Progress in Motion
- Day 55–57: Sept 28–30 | Fences, Family, and Full Circles
- On the Horizon
Rest, Reset, Recoup
These days have been about rest, recovery, and trying to steady myself again. And, fitting in some celebration about the lawsuit news and impending closure when I can - even though it’s still not completely done.
Patrick and I are now thinking we’ll go on a wellness retreat vacation during the trial dates (mid October), ideally on the Ocean, so we can have dedicated time to really let it all move through.
Physical Therapy
My PT sessions are such a bright spot: it always feels good to see progress, even if the steps are small. Progress is progress.
I’ve now started sessions on the upright stationary bike at zero resistance — woo hoo! Home biking is likely coming soon.
I suspected something was off with my pelvis or SI joint as I’ve had shooting pains in my low back that sometimes freeze me in place. It’s like my brain and body are out of sync — my brain doesn’t know what to tell my body to do safely, or my body simply can’t respond. Strange, but part of the healing process.
My PT worked on glute and low back release, did very gentle SI adjustments, and even taught me a self-adjustment technique I’ll keep practicing.
A Scare with the Dogs
Yesterday I had the dogs out with me when a rogue puppy came running over. All three went wild, and I moved wrong on my right leg. I instantly felt a twinge shoot up my thigh and groin, radiating through my pelvis and freshly adjusted SI joint. Damnit. Luckily, my plan had already been to rest and ice — so I did, and things calmed down.
Socializing and Balance
I love connection — it builds me up, fills my cup, and reminds me how supported I am. And yet, as I’ve shared before, it can also create fatigue and be hard to keep up with. At times I feel like a broken record — stuck, repeating the same themes, wondering “what else do I even have to talk about? Are they sick of hearing about this?”
I’m working on honoring the balance between connection and capacity — letting support in, leaning on community, without draining myself.
Refilling My Cup Outdoors
Outside time continues to be medicine for me. I make sure to get some sunshine on my face close to first thing in the morning (depending on pain levels), and go out at least 1-2 more times throughout the day. It’s getting easier to be comfortable outside for gradually longer periods — front porch, back porch, and now even back in the awesome hammock chair we found at Costco in Denver.
A Little More Independence
Patrick left for ABQ today around 2, and my appointment was cancelled. Disappointing — but also gave me a chance to settle into home rhythms without social or provider input. I need it. I’m learning from silly mistakes and reminding myself: slow down, one thing at a time. My mantra — Pause. Breathe. Then move — applies far beyond physical movement. I even put the birds away tonight by myself. Independence, one task at a time.
I didn’t need a ride to an appointment like I thought, but still had a friend come over briefly and we all sat outside and chatted. Tomorrow I’m looking forward to seeing another cherished friend who will drive me to and from PT - that will be a first!
Pain Thoughts: The Bigger Battle
Pain is as much mental, emotional, and spiritual as it is physical. Negative self-talk creeps in, questioning what I know to be true and real. Then, there’s conflicting information from providers and many options/ideas to navigate:
One provider explained that surgeons can only prescribe a certain amount before transitioning pain care to a PCP or pain specialist. This reminded me that many issues are systemic — and what felt personal might be more about scope of practice and prescribing restrictions.
I asked my new PCP (a telemed NP), and she said it wouldn’t be her role either, and suggested the surgical team or ortho here. She didn’t know of any local pain specialists.
A thoughtful volleyball friend suggested connecting with a palliative doctor. It’s daunting to see new providers, but perhaps worth exploring.
Then comes the self-questioning: do I even need to? Should I just wait it out?
Maybe nervous system support would be more effective than more meds; I know a ramped up nervous system can sure amplify pain. My schedule is challenging and balance is tricky, but I have wonderful providers here who support my nervous system and I think that’s my next step: prioritize seeing them over finding another provider for help with pain.
Closing Thought
Three days of rest and reflection reminded me: healing is not just about muscles and bones, but about the stories I tell myself. Some days progress is biking a few minutes at zero resistance. Some days it’s putting the birds away on my own. And some days it’s simply choosing to pause, breathe, and move forward — gently.
Immediate Effects of Lawsuit Settlement
The reality of the lawsuit settlement is starting to sink in. Paying off debts has been deeply emotional — the biggest of which was to my mom. I am so unbelievably lucky to have had her support when I needed it most, and now to be able to give it back is pure joy. Patrick and I even drove around Friday dropping off checks to dear providers in town who’ve cared for me through this journey. I am so grateful.
I also treated myself and our home to some fun things. A few order mistakes crept in — I blame my pain med brain and moving too fast, or not being able to be present. Still, there’s sweetness in letting myself celebrate.
Mental & Emotional Ups and Downs
My brain still feels slow and sad with the pain medications — silly mistakes remind me I can’t fully trust myself yet. The good news: I’ve been sleeping more, and the effects are almost instant. Rest is medicine. I know I need more and it will come as I continue to let down.
Saturday afternoon I got stuck in my head, cycling through hard thoughts. Probably partly because I wasn’t changing my location enough. Going outside was the shift I needed, followed by an amazing dinner (baby back ribs and a farro salad with peaches, red onion, mint, basil, arugula, lemon juice, and burrata).
Pain Management
Pain continues to be a big battle. With the help of marijuana, I’m able to sleep through the night and get back to sleep easily after waking.
The questions never stop: when do I try spreading meds further apart? This morning (Sept 7), I didn’t set my 4 am alarm, and slept until almost 6. That made an 8-hour stretch between meds — compared to the 6-hour rhythm I’d been clinging to. By noon today I’m still doing okay... let’s see if I can get to 2 pm.
Advocacy means experimenting carefully with my regimen, honoring what my body tells me instead of what I’m “supposed” to be doing. And, catching my negative self talk and then, talking myself out of it!
Getting My Sparkle Back
A dear friend came Thursday to hang out, drive me to and from PT, and — sweetest of all — simply saw things that would help and did them. What a gift. Focusing on healing also means leaning into cherished friendships and letting people show up for me.
We also were treated to delicious Thai food delivery on Wednesday from a volleyball friend, who then Friday said she had even more food for us. We stopped to pick up several homemade dishes (including one made by her mom!), as well as beautiful flowers one of her coworkers grows themselves. A gift that keeps on giving :)
I’m planning to launch the newsletter today and post on social media. Writing feels like soul work — even if no one reads it, it heals me. Of course, I hope people do engage.
I’ve been continuing to find so much joy in our outside spaces. Even five minutes outside is a reset. Rainy afternoons bring a calm soundtrack while I watch flowers soak it in, or lay in bed and hear it outside my window.
Sunday morning I began with me time: meditation, journaling, coffee in bed, and outside time with the dogs before home PT. It made a huge difference. I want to carry this me-time morning practice forward.
Physical Progress
PT reminded me: true healing requires rest where the nervous system feels completely safe. Belly breathing, stillness. So important. Where do you notice that you can truly rest, feel safe, let it all go and stop holding?
Saturday was a full rest day. Sunday I started with PT and my book — Coach Mac by my side, of course. I’m also hoping to try pool walking this week.
The Continuing Staph Saga
The culture results came back: heavy growth of MRSA. Gross and scary. I’ll continue with antibiotic sinus rinses twice a day for 4 more days, plus ointment inside my nostrils. Hand hygiene is non-negotiable right now.
I’ve noticed my runny nose creeping back the last few days, which makes me nervous. Next steps are still under discussion, especially with December’s left hip surgeries looming. Another important note to self: advocacy is staying on top of infections and other risk factors now so they don’t compromise future healing.
Closing Thought
These days have been a blend of joy and fear, sparkle and sag. I’m reminded again that healing doesn’t move in straight lines. Sometimes it’s paying off debts, sometimes it’s sitting outside in the rain, sometimes it’s saying yes to a friend’s help.
Advocacy, rest, and gratitude continue to be my anchors.
Hot Tub Milestone
On Sunday evening, I knew I was nearing the 4-week mark since surgery — the day my PA had said I could finally hot tub again. My incision was fully healed, so I went for it. Sunset soak, puppies zooming around like gremlins, ducks tucking themselves into bed — such peace. We’ve cultivated a true respite here, and being back in the hot tub zone felt amazing.
Navigating Pain Without Meds
At that point, I’d been off pain meds for 16 hours. The soak helped, along with remembering to breathe deeply and calm my nervous system. But by the time I was getting into bed, wow did the pain hit. I took my muscle relaxer and tramadol to ease both pain and sleep.
Sleep Tools and Restorative Rituals
I’ve been adding THC into my evening wind-down — along with melatonin, magnesium, L-theanine, and THC/CBD/CBN gummies. It’s helping me fall asleep and stay asleep. When I wake up once or twice, the weed pen helps me drift back quickly. I was worried about balance, but it hasn’t been affected, and I’m grateful to have this tool back in my box.
Morning Reset Practices
Monday morning was groggy. Instead of scrolling my phone, I did a CHANI meditation, set an intention on Insight Timer, and journaled. I try not to let my morning pages turn into a dumping ground, but sometimes they do. Afterward, I got some sunshine and looked at my PT protocol. Big mistake — I could instantly feel the claws of “not doing enough” mindset sink into me. The jargon and lists of “shoulds” pulled me straight into anxiety. My nervous system is so easily heightened.
Retreat Dreams and Hard Realizations
Patrick and I were so excited about a 14-night rebalancing retreat in Costa Rica. With the lawsuit behind us, we imagined a trip in October (when we thought we’d be in a 13 day trial) as a reset: remembering who we are, who we want to be, and how we want to show up in the world. This specific retreat promised both relaxation and renewal, a one-on-one personal therapist for ten custom bodywork sessions to release deep seated issues from trauma and adrenal fatigue, to neurological and structural imbalances. What a dream! It sounded perfect for where we thought we would be by then.
But reality crept in. By October I may barely have transitioned from crutches to cane, still in delicate progress. Would the bodyworkers there be comfortable tailoring everything for my situation? Would I feel safe? Panic and grief set in. Another reminder that I can’t take a vacation from my body or recovery — even with the lawsuit settled. And that won’t change until my left hip is reconstructed in December and I’m fully healed from both.
We ended up deciding to let it go, at least for now. Our 10-year anniversary in April might be the right time instead. Still, the grief hit hard.
Pain Landscape (through today’s lens…)
The act of standing up: excruciating at times, like my leg resists extension while bearing weight
Nerve pain: burning, dripping cold water sensations, tingling, shooting stars
Thigh, butt, outer hip aches: muscles and nerves reawakening, clashing painfully
SI joint: sometimes dull and achy, sometimes sharp and shooting
Groin: deep ache where my labrum was repaired (and femur head reshaped)
Nervous system connection and goal of true rest: It’s a lot of work to take this body from place to place, move around as we do, while paying attention to my restrictions and what my body says it likes or doesn’t, breathe through pain - it is hard to truly find rest, like my PT said last week. I’m noticing more and more. When I can find moments of all encompassing rest, my pain is also calmer.
PT Reassurance and Relief
Today’s PT session was so reassuring. I’m not behind. There’s nothing I should be doing that I’m not. Recovery is nonlinear, and this is one of the most intense surgeries out there.
It was helpful to revision my PT program outlined by the surgeon as less rigid: Phase 2 is from 2-4 weeks, Phase 3 is from 4-6 weeks. There is an overlap there and they build on each other from one phase to the next.
Tissue mobilization around my scars hurt but also felt like much-needed spaciousness. We’ll add pool work soon, and the reassurance that we’re in no rush was huge. My PT even expertly taped my thigh, glutes, and SI joint for soft tissue, joint, and nerve support — instant relief for both body and mind.
Care Coordination Moving Forward
Today is also my last doses of nasal antibiotics — fingers crossed I’m in the clear. For December’s surgery prep, I’ll need an ENT check and ideally input from my Co Springs facial/reconstructive surgeon.
Coordinating across all the care that I need - surgery, ENT, existing wraparound support developed over the last 3 years - is exhausting, but it’s the only way to stay safe and supported.
Newsletter Launch (Subscribe)
I launched my newsletter today! Thank you to everyone who subscribed and engaged. It’s a scary step forward, but growth lives in that space. Sharing my words publicly is advocacy for my own healing.
Closing Thought
From the peace of a sunset soak to the grief of postponing dreams, these days reminded me that progress isn’t linear. It’s not about keeping pace with anyone else — it’s about showing up, one breath, one intention, one act of courage at a time.
Lessons in Rest and Resistance
Wednesday finally felt like a turning point: I was able to complete my whole PT regimen at home after moving through my morning routine. By the time I finished, it was practically time to eat and get ready to go again. I’m always adjusting to how little I seem to “get done” in a day, even though I am constantly doing things — just slowly. Healing, and taking the time it demands, is a lesson in itself. It reminds me of Rest is Resistance — stepping outside of grind culture and honoring the body’s pace.
Anchors in My Care
I finally saw one of my most trusted providers, whose blend of energy work, postural alignment, Ayurveda, and naturopathic wisdom has anchored me since 2019. She knows my body and nervous system so well that she often picks up on things I don’t even have to say. Our session was deeply restorative, though I left drowsy — and should have known better than to plan an evening visit afterwards.
The Cost of Overextending
We had a dinner scheduled with friends, a new but already cherished rhythm of trading meals. As the time drew near, my emotions spiraled and fragility set in. Thankfully, they sensed it and suggested we reschedule. By Friday we were able to share a lovely evening — beef sandwiches, salad, card games — and still tucked into bed by 8. Connection fills my cup, but it can also drain it; and I keep learning the importance of listening when my body says “enough,” even if it means canceling plans.
Emotional Spirals and Self-Talk
Wednesday brought one of my hardest spirals yet — a “menty b,” as I called it. Negative self-talk continues to be a challenge: Am I pushing too hard? Am I pausing enough? Is my pain as bad as I think? What do I really need right now? Trusting myself in that delicate balance is harder than it sounds.
A Good Cry and Deep Sleep
After canceling plans, I sat outside and let the waterworks flow. It was messy, but necessary. Afterwards, I let myself completely disconnect — and finally slept for 10 hours straight. The next morning I woke up more centered, though still carrying sadness. It reminded me how much my system craves deep, extended rest.
Meditations on Transitions
Thursday began with a meditation on transitions: pausing between the inhale and exhale, noticing the discomfort there, and trusting that the next breath would come. A fitting reflection for this season. The day moved quickly even with no appointments — helped along by sleeping until 9:45! My body was hurting quite a bit so I trusted myself to know I needed a full day without adding home PT in the mix.
Fencing Freedom for Mac
One bright spot: we finalized plans for a new fence, thanks to a helpful neighbor. Mac, our escape artist, has kept us on edge for too long. This project is a relief — freedom for him, peace of mind for us. They’ll start building this coming week and maybe even finish in just a few days; we don’t know this for sure yet, but suspect based on seeing their quick progress in the neighborhood.
Legal and Travel Updates
I also managed a round of medical emails and legal paperwork, both with positive outcomes. The lawsuit is nearly behind us — just final paperwork left. Patrick and I are also dreaming about October trip possibilities, a lighter future-thought to balance the heavy.
PT Progress and Patience
Friday’s PT session was encouraging, but I still wrestle with how slow everything feels. Progress is there, but it’s incremental — and hard to see from the inside. A friend reminded me: “From the bird’s-eye view, you’ll see how far you’ve come.” Advocacy sometimes just means remembering that healing isn’t linear, and that zooming out helps restore perspective.
Pain Landscape (through today’s lens…)
I’ve been working to shift the mindset instilled by surgical teams — the pressure that I should already be off pain meds. The truth: if I need medication, and I can trust myself to know when, it’s okay. My pain is shifting, sometimes progressing, sometimes backtracking. Old patterns return, new ones emerge. It’s not weakness — it’s healing. I’ll talk more with my telemed PCP next week about ongoing support, including medication refills if needed. Advocacy means rejecting shame-based timelines and giving my body what it needs.
I’m noticing more elevated pain levels across my entire body (literally), especially with recent summer storms. Pre surgery I would have been able to increase my nerve pain mediation, a tool that helps immensely when barometric pressures are changing. Since surgery, however, I’ve been on the highest dosage to help with nerve pain that’s flared up due to surgery. This is on my list for my PCP too!
🌙 Closing Reflection
These three days reminded me that progress isn’t just in exercises or checklists — it’s in honoring rest, letting tears cleanse, building fences that protect, and practicing trust in myself again and again.
Emotional Rollercoaster
It has been an intense up-and-down few days. I was in a dark place for several days and struggled to climb out, but I’m finally seeing sunshine again.
What helped?
sitting outside for a change of scenery
deep breathing
snuggling with the puppies and Patrick
getting stoned and zoning out to silly tv together
making progress with what my body can do while feeling safe
most importantly - remembering to trust myself!
Facing Pain and Finding Relief
Saturday, Sept 13 — I had a great appointment with my myofascial chiropractor. She worked with tissue and gentle alignment adjustments — very, very gentle — and I felt a wonderful release of holding patterns (from right knee up thigh, into groin, pelvis, almost to the diaphragm). She was worried about my elevated pain and suggested I might need to consider moving out my left hip surgeries if we can’t bring it down. I don’t love the idea of doing that (!), and also, I trust her deeply. I’m hoping the next few weeks bring a new wave of progress and pain relief. She also gave me ideas for PCP and pain injection specialist conversations regarding pain management.
The day was rainy — a snuggle fest, with some sadness about our difficulty solidifying trip plans.
Sunday, Sept 14 — another emotional and challenging day. I felt extremely sad, numb, and full of grief. The inescapability of recovery was tangible: claustrophobic, frozen. Trying to plan a trip while not knowing what my limitations will be in another month was daunting. How long can I safely be away from PT and other providers? What about drive time, access to a gym or pool, or navigating stairs? The list of limitations kept growing.
I didn’t get much done — except for my morning routine, PT workout, and eating pizza and a root beer float while tuning out with silly tv and an edible.
Supportive Appointments and Reassurance
Monday, Sept 15 — PT was great! I worked hard and even did some new exercises — always a win. We also talked about travel, and my PT said it’s okay to be away as long as I keep up my exercises (plus, we can connect over the app if needed). I am feeling very well cared for by my team and like I am on the right track! I haven’t been feeling that…
After PT, we went for some pool walking and even got a gym membership! It felt great to be in the water without my crutches - I was advised to only do 10-12 minutes to start, so I set my timer and away I went. I made a friend in the pool, which I’ll admit was a little distracting from the presence I need with my body, but I enjoyed the chit chat while walking in a small oval pattern in the 4 ft area of my lane. Next time, I’ll prepare better and get a floaty so I can walk all the way across. After a quick hot tub, we were happily on our way back home to rest.
Later that afternoon, we even had the energy to figure out our trip! Denver to Florissant to Ouray to Durango, away for two weeks. Patrick will drive to meet me in Denver; I’ll already be there for a 10/7 surgery follow-up. It feels a little hard to combine with another medical appointment (that’s still our life…), but it’s exciting to move forward. We tried to find places without stairs, but it was tough — so we’ll adjust as needed. Patrick even joked about piggybacking me if it comes to that.
Tuesday, Sept 16 — I woke up hurting after a big day Monday with PT and pool work! Mostly it feels like the good kind of sore, but there’s also some exacerbation of the same pains I’ve been experiencing, we think from my muscles not working best with each other and likely causing misalignment in my hyper-mobile body. So I gotta keep being mindful!
I had a great PCP appointment — she validated my pain management concerns and offered ideas for now and December. I’m so glad to have her on my team and she will help in any way she can. She also sent a referral for the local ENT, she thinks they’re great, and I will go get checked soon - the MRSA nose worry is present! I’ve got more mucousy today and with pretty constant discharge, sometimes bright green - yuck.
Therapy was also wonderful — my first session since before surgery. She reminded me not to push myself, validated that I know what I need, and helped me reframe: I’m not yucky — the infection in my nose is yucky. She suggested Qi Gong, especially sending healing energy to my nose, and to let my legs shake if they want to (a good somatic release).
Lightening the Load, Together
I’m working on getting more help so Patrick doesn’t have to carry the full caregiver role — it’s just a lot for both of us, even though he’s doing an amazing job. I keep noticing how different this transition feels compared to others. After moving back from Denver in early 2023, I was driving quickly and more mobile, able to carry things. This time, the extended period of not driving and relying on others feels heavier.
It will help that my mom comes towards the end of next week and will be here until her and I go to Albuquerque to see family and then to Denver together. I’m already thinking up fun plant projects for her and I to do together - let’s be real, it’ll probably be mostly her, but we can pretend :)
There are bright spots, too: financial strain on all of us — me, Patrick, my mom — is lifted with the lawsuit settlement. We’re freer to take care of things, treat ourselves, and plan fun without the constant worry of canceling or modifying. A huge, beautiful sigh of relief.
Closing Thought
Healing is rarely just physical — it’s an ongoing dance of grief and gratitude, fear and trust. At times, the walls of recovery feel close around me; other times, clarity opens a window and I rise a little taller. For now, I’m choosing clarity where it comes, trust in the journey, and gratitude for the sunshine when it breaks through.
This week has felt like a turning point. My pain has lightened, my mood has lifted, and for once it’s hard to tell which came first. What I do know is that I’ve felt deeply validated, supported, and loved by my Taos team — PT, PCP, myofascial chiropractic, body/energy work, pain management, naturopathic care, and somatic behavioral therapy.
Back on Day 1 (Aug 5th) in Denver, I was just starting this road — in intense pain, barely moving, and leaning hard on the people around me. At the time, it was hard to imagine getting back here: reconnecting and integrating with my Taos team that listens, uplifts, and helps me take tangible steps forward. The contrast is striking, and it makes me even more grateful for where I am now.
Validating Providers
Myofascial chiropractor — Last visit, I was in a pretty dark place, and she could tell. This time, she was happy to see me doing better. My pelvis and SI area were far less stuck, and I felt another layer of release. She again raised the idea of postponing my left hip surgery, but for now I’m holding onto the hope that I won’t need to.
Pain specialist (injections, prolotherapy, nerve blocks) — He, too, has known me even longer than this accident, and his words were immensely validating: he wished I’d reached out sooner, reminded me that he’s always here as a resource, and offered concrete ideas to improve pain management now and in December. We did an occipital nerve block and trigger-point injections in my neck and shoulders — relief for the headaches and tension that always follow surgery, worsened this time by weeks of crutches.
Pain improvements: With the new recommendations, I updated my PCP and asked for refills. I added tools: lidocaine patches, Bengay, a homeopathic nerve roll-on. With permission to take higher doses of tramadol and methocarbamol when needed. Adding ibuprofen is also helping. The reassurance that this much pain is not okay, and that I have real options, has lifted such a weight.
I have written many times about the exhaustion of advocating for myself amid poor communication and dismissive care. This week showed me the flip side: how empowering and healing it feels when providers listen, validate, and equip you with tools.
PT Progress
Every six weeks PT requires an insurance assessment. Early after surgery, these are almost absurd — pain is high, strength can’t be tested, and the paperwork doesn’t capture reality. Still, I go along with it. This was my first “assessment” post-surgery and even though we still couldn’t test strength or mobility like pre-surgery, we could see improvement from my initial post-surgery appointment.
On 9/19 we did tissue work, nerve flossing, and assessment. My nerves lit up in response — fireworks down my outer thigh, cactus quill stings, burning sensations. As far back as Day 16 (Aug 20th), nerve glides first sparked this pain pattern. It’s wild to notice how those same sensations echo forward, shifting but still present.
We also talked about driving. My PT said it’s likely safe, though sudden movements could aggravate things. The very next day, I drove myself to the gym. It was freeing, even joyful. When I can step out of my day to day and remind myself of times like Days 19–20 (Aug 23–24), when I longed for even small self-sufficiencies… it helps to see that yearning is slowly becoming reality.
Tomorrow I enter phase 4 of post surgery restrictions: I get to play with WBAT (weight bearing as tolerated), keep working toward pain-free range of motion, and add more exercises.
Finding Joy
Sweet, unexpected midday naps — one moment a snuggle, the next, a family nap.
Slow mornings in the garden, drying marigolds in silica to make garlands. Our yard is bursting — the seed saving has paid off.
Gym visits and pool walking, though schedules shifted with closures. I listened to my body and took a rest day instead of pushing. Progress isn’t only about workouts; it’s about discernment, too.
A lovely late afternoon visit from Patrick’s mom and husband — my first time sitting at the table for hours, even if “comfortable” is still relative.
A dreamy date night at a new restaurant, Suchness. I’m glad I waited until my body was ready; the joy was that much sweeter.
Booking the final piece of our trip — Pagosa Springs resort. Excited doesn’t even cover it.
Even astrology wove into the week. Eclipse energy mirrored what was stirring inside me: unease, self-doubt, but also reminders of resilience and the quiet power of letting my body lead. Meditation shifted my relationship with my inner critic from adversary to protector. Spaciousness — that word feels like medicine right now.
Joy doesn’t erase pain, but it balances it. Listening to my body — when to push, when to pause — is its own form of self-advocacy.
Closing Thoughts
Healing is rarely just physical — it’s an ongoing dance of grief and gratitude, fear and trust. At times, the walls of recovery feel close around me; other times, clarity opens a window and I rise a little taller. For now, I’m choosing clarity where it comes, trust in the journey, and gratitude for the sunshine when it breaks through.
What a week! More energy, more honoring of my need for rest, and a little more trust in doing less. I’ve been taking inventory of what’s serving me and cutting out what isn’t, letting some pressure go. My mental/emotional state feels so much lighter, and my body is following; sometimes it’s hard to tell which came first, but does it really matter?
Getting my latest newsletter out on Tuesday was a huge win — thank you to everyone who reads along! My gratitude for this circle runs deep. 💜
Progress
As of Monday (9/22), I moved into Phase 4: weight-bearing as tolerated, where the focus is on normalizing my gait and regaining full range of motion. At PT, I tried the treadmill setup with bungees taking some of my weight off — a strange sensation at first, but once I settled in, I could really focus on the micro-movements of walking: how the weight transfers through my feet, how the arches respond, how each toe contributes.
Tuesday, I drove myself to PT for the first time in seven weeks. It was slow and messy — with morning snuggles turning into roughhousing and a dog toenail scratching my eye before I even left — but still such a win. That feeling of independence is priceless.
At home, the dance between pushing and resting continues. How much PT do I do here? When do I go to the pool? Where do fun things fit in? The advocacy lesson here is pacing — listening carefully to my body and giving it space to guide me.
A provider this week coached me on listening to the two voices coming from within… the mind, and the body. The mind, she said, usually has a should mentality, might be more of the inner critic coming out, whereas the body talks to you without judgement. Listening to and honoring that one is a careful practice I’m honing more and more all the time.
Rising energy, more ability, and brighter moods are often followed by hard crashes — fatigue or pain pulling me back. This rhythm of push and pause is the heart of recovery. Often it can be hard to even know whether I’m feeling sore from new movement and muscle strengthening, or if I’m actually hurting; this is where pausing to really listen, move slowly, breathe, comes into play.
Honoring the Need to Slow Down
Full rest days are essential. Sometimes storms rolling in cue me, sometimes it’s just my body’s clear signals. Either way, I’m learning to notice and honor them.
Fatigue is real, and naps are necessary. Instead of fighting them, I’m letting myself rest even when it means a long afternoon sleep.
“As tolerated” is such a slippery phrase. Do I grab my crutches to take ten steps and refill my water bottle? Do I risk it without? Do I ask for help? This constant mental game is advocacy in action — reminding myself that “less is more” and that asking for help is not weakness but wisdom.
Medical Catch-Up
My ENT referral in Taos can’t get scheduled until late October, so I’ll try to see a trusted family friend in Albuquerque next weekend (Oct 3) before Mom and I head to Denver. I’m nervous the MRSA is back, or never left, and eager to get my nose looked in before travel.
New medications have been a game-changer. Adding ibuprofen and lidocaine patches has brought unexpected relief, even helping with nerve pain.
I’m already preparing questions for my Denver PAO surgeon (8-week follow-up on Oct 7) and will go also now back to Denver in November to see my Boulder surgeon (3-month follow-up for surgery #1 + pre-op for December’s left hip). It will be so good to (re)connect in person with these two surgical teams, check in on my progress from right hip surgeries, and prepare for the left side.
Digestion remains a battle — “normal” for me at this point, though not a good normal. I’m brainstorming with providers if there’s more to look into or try to get my system more regular before December.
House & Home
The dried flowers we set aside are looking beautiful, and we’ll probably sort through them this weekend.
The new fence is coming along wonderfully, we are so excited to have it finished. This will bring much more privacy and dog safety; the doggies will be free rein again! It should be finished Monday.
With nights dipping into the 30s, we’ve started bringing plants inside — which is hard not to overdo because I love tending them so much. And, a beautiful HUGE jasmine arrived with mom. It’s a fun time of year to move things around, yet I am just barely getting myself around!
Cherished Visitors
Monday brought a surprise visit from a friend and his puppy — always a bright spot.
Tuesday, Patrick’s college friend stayed with us. We hadn’t seen him in two years, since my “1 year surviving & thriving” party. Reconnecting felt so easy and joyful: lounging, silly TV, catching up, even hot tub time.
Friday, Mom arrived, and with other family in town too, Patrick readied our van to loan out. Visitors are both gifts and lessons in balance — how to welcome connection while honoring my energy. It’s so yummy to have mom here again, we realized she hasn’t been here since the end of last year and hasn’t seen the dogs in that long either. What a celebratory reunion! And, today (Sept 27th) is Calvin’s birthday and we are going to see Nathaniel Rateliff and The Nightsweats and the park in town. Very much looking forward to - and a bit nervous in anticipation of - the evening out under the stars!
More Delicious Meals
Homemade pickle brined fried chicken sammies
Root beer floats (always a win)
Patrick’s cookies keep getting better with every batch
Chicken rice bowls with Asian-style slaw, cucumber chutney, and bell peppers
My own small victory: mac & cheese made with leftover calabacitas. As victories so often come with lessons, this reminded me once again, that just because I can do something, doesn’t necessarily mean I should. I paid for it later: I think it was all the turning around back and forth in the kitchen, without crutches or cane.
Closing Thought:
Progress right now feels less like giant leaps and more like steady rhythms: walking practice, naps, small wins, and deep gratitude. Some days it’s about movement, some days it’s about stillness. Both are part of healing — and both matter equally.
A Night of Music and Meaning
Saturday the 27th was the Nathaniel Rateliff and the Nightsweats concert — and wow, what a show. They played some of our favorites, which meant sweet hugs, happy tears, and that beautiful feeling of being exactly where I wanted to be with my mom and my Patrick. I was grateful for quick visits from family in town and friends I didn’t know were going to be at the show.
It was cold, a little rainy, and it was a lot for me physically. At one point, I had a terrifying bathroom trip with my mom and was nearly knocked down by a very large, very messed-up man. Honestly terrifying but we got through it and were able to (sort of) shake it off. Still, I was proud of myself for sticking with my plan of not drinking alcohol while I’m still working on gait and balance — especially after that scare.
The music and family time outweighed the challenges. I even noticed how hard it was to stay in my body and present with people amid all the noise and distraction. Thank goodness for our silly swing chairs and the steady warmth of family.
Oh — and the burgers from a food tent were incredible. I still don’t know the vendor name, but I’m trying to find out.
Rest, Reset, and Small Joys
Sunday was exactly what I needed: a full day of rest. I slept in until 10, spent the day with my mom while Patrick worked. Lunch was comfort itself — Patrick’s leftover soup from Denver surgery time, with fresh sourdough. After he got home we started a new (creepy!) show, Task.
Later, when our pizza order failed, Patrick pulled together garden-fresh pasta with basil, burrata, and a cookie finish. Delicious and nourishing in every way.
Returning to the Table of Healing
Monday brought a long-awaited massage/structural integration/cranio-sacral session — my first in nine weeks. I was eager to get in with her and hadn’t realized how much I missed that healing touch until I felt the gentle release she brought to my body.
It was a day of moving parts: picking up the van, fence contractors working, and friends asking to stop by. But I said no. I needed rest, and I gave myself permission to take it. Sometimes, the advocacy lesson is that rest is not laziness — it’s an essential part of recovery.
So, I curled up on the couch, replayed Sunday’s simple meals, and let myself sink into the yumminess of stillness. We even started a season of survivor together, Blood vs. Water.
Missed Appointments and Old Lessons
Tuesday started early with a PT appointment that I unfortunately mixed up. I arranged my morning with the correct appointment time in my head, and somewhere between waking up and needing to leave, I realized I had switched it in my head from getting ready to leave be there at 8:10 to getting ready to leave at 8:10. I got a call from the PT office right when I realized it; they couldn’t take me in late, but might squeeze me in later.
I had switched my schedule around to avoid having 2 appts on Monday and was scheduled to see my head PT for the last time before being away for 2 weeks. I was happy with my plan and it alleviated some pre trip stress because this way I would get the time and input of both her and the PTA I often see. And, I was also planning to go to the pool afterwards for some pool walking.
I was bummer but instead of spiraling, I turned it into a long PT workout at home. That’s how my mom and I do things together — it takes longer, but it’s fun and filled with laughter.
While working out, my nose started acting up worse again with thick, discolored mucus and that dreaded smell. It was enough to convince me to skip the gym and pool, which was disappointing.
Mom and I balanced it with joy: cutting flowers for drying projects, enjoying the garden, and later, eating dinner outside with Patrick before he left for volleyball. Sunset, silly tv, and sorting through clothes for donation filled the rest of the evening.
Closing Reflection
And just like that, September is over. October begins — and soon, I’ll be at the three-year mark since the accident. Reflection is bubbling up inside me, and I know I need to get it out on paper.
Family (and fiancés) who feel like best friends have carried me through this month. Watching the fence go up in our yard, I thought about my own inner fences: some rising as boundaries that protect me, others slowly dismantling as trauma heals and life grows spacious again.
✨ Healing isn’t just progress or setbacks — it’s boundaries shifting, fences rising and falling, and learning which ones to keep, which ones to dismantle.
Continue to resume regular weekly-ish appointments with Taos providers as able
9/22: Start Phase 4 of Restrictions/PT Protocol - progress to 100% weight bearing as tolerated, work on gait pattern and continue crutches until normal gait
9/26-10/3: Mom in town!
9/27: Nathaniel Rateliff and the Nightsweats at Kit Carson Park in Taos
10/3-4: Albuquerque Family visit
10/5-9: Denver for follow-ups
10/7: PAO Surgeon 8-wk follow-up
TBD (hopefully): Eye Specialist follow-up
10/9-18: P+T trip: Florissant, Ouray, Pagosa Springs
TBD: return to run, impact, and higher intensity exercise
